Jesi & Sebastian
“As someone with a history of…
Sexual abuse, depression, a past eating disorder that rears it's head every so often, a many year struggle with self harm, and a very anxiety ridden outlook on life, I have always second guessed myself on things. I often tell myself I'm being dramatic and paranoid, or overthinking things. So when I got raped, I didn't know that's what had happened. It didn't happen by a stranger in a dark alleyway, and it didn't happen with drugged drinks and cups of beer. I was not injured or "attacked." I was told my body was beautiful, and that it deserved to be touched. I was told that he was in love with me. I had never even been kissed before. I thought he was a good friend of mine. The memory is forever seared into my brain. What always comes back to me is sitting in the shower after the first of many times it happened. I put the water on as hot as possible and cried for almost an hour. I never felt clean, and I didn't feel safe. But I didn't know I was raped.
My PTSD makes me very anxious, it heightens my depression, and it gives me nightmares and flashbacks fairly often. When my friend told me about SBF it sounded too good to be true. We went to look at a certain dog to see if she would be a good fit. But when her brother from the same litter walked in, he immediately licked my face, curled up in my lap, and leaned his head against me. From that moment I was hooked. He has been by my side ever since. With my PTSD, I have trouble going outside alone. I spend a lot of my time at home on the couch—never feeling like doing much. But caring for Sebastian has caused me to go out on two or more walks every day. We go to the dog park. We meet up with my friends. And we go to the store to get toys and treats.
Another part of my PTSD is the struggle with suicidal thoughts that has been ongoing ever since it happened. I'm not always able to think of a reason to go on. But Sebastian needs me. He also reminds me that my wife needs me, my family needs me. He keeps me active, he protects me, he cuddles the nightmares away, and most of all, he loves with no limits. I can't even begin to thank Sophie and SBF as much as they deserve for bringing Sebastian into my life.
I am choosing to live my life like Sebastian, and that is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.”